... So I'll talk about one of more recent trips to the "shrink" (couples counseling). Now I really don't believe that our relationship is in danger of eminent failure. I do like to go to the shink and hope to improve what we do share... HOWEVER the one thing that I pointed out at the first session in February is what I affectionately call "Goose and Gander rules"... In otherwords I think that what good for the goose is good for the gander. The night before we went to the shrink, we were discussing reading in bed (or watching "TV"). *NOTE* this hasn't been a problem lately BUT it's an easy example. On occasions where Susie wanted to read with the light on I was expected to man up and deal with it even if I was tired and just wanted to go to sleep. On the converse when I wanted to read I was expected to use a "reading light" or man up and get over it while I turned the light off. My point in the discussion was that I was willing to comply with whatever rule Susan wanted regarding the light and reading, just decide and apply it to BOTH of us equally. NOW I'm not really picking on this issue but FREQUENTLY I run into what I PERCEIVE as "rules" (for the lack of a better term) that don't equally apply. Susie did point out that I also imposed rules differently for me than her. I can live with that and I'm willing to hear and decide on a rule we can BOTH live with.
So my questions are;
1. Am I out of line? why?
2. Is the term "Goose and Gander rules" a good way of describing this annomaly? alternatives?
BTW - I'm NOT complaining I'm just trying to get a better understanding of human behavior. Horses are easier...
Well, I should hope that I'm not as easy as a horse to figure out ;)
ReplyDelete1. No I don't think you are out of line, but as you pointed out it works both ways and with "rules" made by either of you. I think that you are wise in the decision to find a "rule" that you can both live with.
ReplyDelete2. I think that is a good phrase choice.
Just to add in a few more thoughts for you. I think what makes this phenomenon difficult to pin down is that some things affect (or annoy) one person differently than another. So while my husband may be able to sleep with the light on, I may not (not that this makes either of us right...) we each have a lamp our side of the bed so this is a non-issue or at least our compromise to make it a non-issue. I guess the key is to compromise in some way, just like chores or other things. There has to be some semblance of balance (not that it is always 50%-50%)where both are giving. I think when you focus more on giving than receiving, things tend to balance themselves and you are much happier in the long-run.
Maybe more info/thought than you want and not sure it helped, but there you go :)